In a Spaceport Bar Somewhere
A Pink Dormouse Production
"But its not bloody fair" Seamus Harper moaned for the nth time; wondering whether he still had the coordination to pour whiskey into his glass.
"Who said life had to be fair?" Avon sincerely hoped Vila would reappear with the data soon and hadnt been distracted by the various charms of Harpers crewmates.
"We were doin good- lots of random violence, emotion, some very slash-able scenes between me and Tyr-" Avon gave him a very disbelieving look. "Ok so hes Nietzschean. Doesnt mean it mightnt happen."
Vila strolled over, one arm around Trance Gemini. "Got the data you wanted. Youd think theyd be more careful about leaving the disks in the same room as a CD rewriter."
"What you doin with our Trance?"
"I thought she could come along with us instead. Can we keep her, Avon, please? Shes got a prehensile tail and everything."
Avon groaned. "Is that really an appropriate use of the Plot Device? I think not."
"She can make herself really useful. Give me someone to, er, talk to while youre making the improvements to the ship."
"We need a more interactive AI unit- not a playmate."
"Fuck off, Marcus- this isnt your crossover."
"But Im officially dead- I can turn up where the hell I like."
"Were all dead too. And I never got to shag any of the girls."
"Quiet, Harper. Let me think about this. Romy cant die because shes an AI and the ship is still more or less intact. Trance has died and got better before so she should be ok. Harper is actually good at what he does and provides the comedy relief so he should be ok."
"Glad to hear it." Harper had given up on the glass and was now drinking from the bottle. Avon gave him a disapproving look and continued.
"Now either Beka or the Captain has to survive to continue the mission. Pilots are replaceable so if she dies youll just trip over another one in the first or second episode of the next series. If the Captain dies youll have to keep Tyr so he and Beka can do the ego-clashing thing. If Beka dies, Tyrs survival depends on how bolshy the new pilot is going to be."
"Good to know where I stand."
The manliness, the muscles, the chainmail, the leather. Hes Nietzschean: hes supposed to have this effect on people. Only one round here who can match my intelligence as well so Ive got to admire the man.
"I wondered if you would turn up."
"Someone had to carry Harper home."
"Point taken. That just leaves the Rev. He should be ok- you need him to point out the glaring ethical errors in your plans. Hell probably go mad eventually but someone has to."
"Thank you for giving us that insight. Now if youll just hand over those CDRs."
"Better do what the man says, Avon."
"Galen? You shouldnt be here either."
"Im a technomage- I can do what I want. Besides no one can ever tell the difference between Andromeda and Crusade."
"But why does Avon have to give Tyr the data?"
"I thought that would be obvious: he cant have a computer that actually likes him; or one that likes you for that matter."
"Ill hand them over if Vila lets go of Trance."
Vila noticed the looks Tyr and Avon were giving him; "Ok" Trance giggled and bounced over to Harper.
"You heard Avon: we live to see another series."
"Strue. I spose. Lets go home." He stood up, fell over and was dragged out by Tyr.
"Wed better be moving on as well. Vila?"
"You spoil all my fun. You know that?"
"Ill make it up to you later.
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